Taako (
spellslots) wrote2017-12-07 07:14 pm
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riverview; ic contact & friendr
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» Age: old enough to know better » Seeking: 💲💲💲 » Preferences: none of your business » Interests: cash money » Bio: greatest chef in Faerûn, greatest transmutation wizard, follow me on insta @fromTV for the real shit | ||||
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Taako | ||||
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no subject
[ Great minds. It almost looks like a real question for a moment, but he laughs and shakes his head in the next. ]
No, I - that definitely is... something. I just thought maybe that would be too obvious.
[ And besides that, even his Taako doesn't just drop L-bombs willy nilly. Maybe that's part of how it has such an effect, because it's still not something that just happens as a matter of course. ]
no subject
I guess it is pretty obvious.
[The whole thing seems wild to Taako, despite knowing how Kravitz feels about him and knowing they've had time to settle into each other, he's just... he'd been closed off for so long, in Fearun.]
Does this mean it's my turn again?
[With the secrets, not that he sounds particularly fussed. The low stakes make it easier.]
no subject
If you want it to be.
[ He makes a little 'the floor is yours' gesture. He's enjoying this game, after all. Not only for the obvious reasons of being generally curious, but - it's nice to think that Taako is getting things out that he might not otherwise. ]
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It was totally worth dying eight fucking times to end up in your little black book.
[It's a roundabout way of saying what Taako really means; that it was worth dying to meet him.]
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I'm glad you did.
[ He reaches up to touch Taako's face again, thumb brushing his jaw almost reverently - Kravitz isn't always as transparently sappy as this, but despite everything it's always there in the back of his mind that this is the last time. And knowing that, how else is he supposed to be?
Red eyes look up and he opens his mouth to speak, the words can I kiss you? so right there on the tip of his tongue as to be almost visible - but seems to think better of it and exhales, closing his mouth again. Afraid, maybe, of the answer. Easier just to stay like this and take what he's given. ]
no subject
Taako isn't great at figuring out things like feelings, but he's fairly sure that he knows what it looks like when someone is thinking about kissing him.]
It's okay, darling.
[Something between reassurance and permission, whatever one Kravitz needs most.]
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Kravitz hesitates still, like he might not do it however much he'd like to, permission given or otherwise. There's a sort of apology in his eyes - sorry for this, for being here, for being late, for being wrong - and he closes them over it to tilt up his chin and press his lips gently to Taako's.
Maybe he's allowed a little selfishness, considering. So for now, for a minute, things can just... be okay. ]
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The truly horrible part is how it must feel for Kravitz.
It's why Taako doesn't consider denying him something as easy to give as a kiss. He closes his eyes and meets Kravitz half way, uncertain what to do with his hands for a moment before he says an internal fuck it' and just skims a hand down Kravitz's chest to settle on his waist.]
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The telltale cloying smoke of panic starts to climb up his throat and Kravitz really doesn't mean to cling like he does, but there's really nowhere else for it to go. And this grounds him again, just like always. Just like listening to an idle story of something embarrassing Magnus once did, or being assured that surfing really isn't that hard, or watching Taako cook and being quietly glad that not having to eat doesn't mean he can't.
His thumb brushes Taako's jaw again, just to feel him there - and if Kravitz is a little less warm than he was before, that's probably understandable. ]
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Every time he has to break the kiss to breathe, Taako finds himself murmuring some useless platitude; it's alright, or I'm here, words that are inevitably kind of lie when he knows that it isn't going to be okay at all. He just needs to say something.
It's the same reason that after a brief moment of hesitation, Taako uses that hand on Kravitz's waist to push him onto his back, going with the momentum until he's on top of Kravitz, free arm braced on the bed so doesn't have to break the kiss. He just-- he just thinks it might help, the weight of him as a reassurance that he's here.]
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The little extra freedom of movement here is immediately tied up in keeping Taako close; one hand on his waist while fingers of the other curl loosely into the hair at the back of his neck.
He does try to be good about leaving those gaps for the one of them who does actually need air, especially when just the occasional murmur of Taako's voice is so comforting no matter what he's actually saying. It's during one of these gaps that Kravitz is the one who pauses, mouth still slightly open, chest heaving shallowly out of habit. ]
I love you...
[ The words are breathy and there's a pleading look on his face, but it's not to have the words returned - he knows better, and honestly the thought barely enters his mind. What he needs in this moment is just to be heard, to be understood, because being a temporary reflection doesn't mean that he feels any less than the original must. ]
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It breaks his heart a little, the pain of it written on his face as he looks down at Kravitz.]
I know, I know. I'm not gonna forget you.
[He can't make Kravitz real, that's beyond even his power, but he can at least promise this. That the memory if this will be important after Kravitz is gone.]
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It helps, though. And he believes it. And he hates himself a little for it too, because he already knows this isn't an easy memory, and maybe he should want Taako to forget instead. But at least... at least he won't have meant nothing.
The moment of desperate panic seems to ease off a little, and when he wraps both arms around Taako to hold him close again, it's with less of the sense of a drowning man clinging to a muddy bank. ]
Thank you.
[ For a long moment he's quiet, just re-orienting. Following the comfortingly regular rhythm of Taako's breathing, silently counting the beats of his heart. And then something comes to mind out of nowhere that draws a quiet chuckle. ]
It's funny, you know, I--
[ And apparently that's it. The sentence he was never going to make it to the end of. It's so sudden that it feels like it should make some kind of noise, but it doesn't - there's just what appears to be an entire person there one moment, and then as if a switch was flipped somewhere (which, who knows, maybe it was) - nothing at all. The only thing to say that there might ever have been anyone else there, a book left on the nightstand, still open to the last page he'd been reading. ]
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He should leave the room, it'd be better if he left the room, packed this moment away where it can't hurt him anymore.
It doesn't happen, his limbs are too heavy to move, all he can do is wrap his arms around the still warm pillow to give him something to hold onto while he cries.]