riverview; ic contact & friendr

[spellslots]

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CODE   🔋 12:01 AM

TAAKO

USERNAME
@fromTV

OCCUPTION
Pâtissier

MESSAGE
"You've got Taako. I'm too busy to take your call right now, leave a message."

TEXT

CALL

VIDEO

	Friendr
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	» Age: old enough to know better » Seeking: 💲💲💲 » Preferences: none of your business » Interests: cash money » Bio: greatest chef in Faerûn, greatest transmutation wizard, follow me on insta @fromTV for the real shit
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	Taako
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Comments

text;

[inlaid]

do you know why I have twelve pints of ice cream--all half eaten--in my freezer, rubber chickens in my bed, and an actual chicken in my bathtub?

[Seriously did she miss something at last night's rave?]

[spellslots]

There is an explanation for the ice cream and the real
chicken. The rubber ones weren't me.

[inlaid]

...not sure what's more concerning.
that you somehow had access to a real chicken
or that neither of us know where the fake ones came from

tell me about the ice cream first

[spellslots]

Listen, like I got hungry and had a craving for ice cream, super simple. But I messed up my teleport spell just a tiny bit and ended up some lady's farm and we ate some of the ice cream so she gave me a chicken?

I was a little too drunk to figure out what to do with it. The bathtub seemed like a safe bet.

[inlaid]

[Only you, Taako. This could only happen to you.]

so the chicken is a housewarming gift?? I guess?

[Thank you, she thinks?]

Or are you planning on taking custody of it again?

[spellslots]

It's totally for you if you want it! Otherwise I'll make you chicken parmigiana or whatever out of it.

[inlaid]

...i'm pretty sure that it's like 98% feather floof
at best it would be an appetizer

[spellslots]

We'd have to fatten it up first!

[inlaid]

what if i buy chicken breasts at the store and you make me chicken parmigiana instead
floofy chicken can have a stay of execution
for now

[spellslots]

For sure :)

She'll lay eggs if she has the space for it, I can set up a nesting box if you want!

[inlaid]

would you? i don't know the first thing about chickens. keeping them. getting their eggs. feeding them.
can chickens be litter trained?

[spellslots]

Yeesssss?

Probably? We kept the chickens outside where they're supposed to be but they're smarter than they seem, you could probably train them!

[inlaid]

well it's not like i'm heading out surveying for a few days...don't have anything better to do
it's either that or i find a yard where i can set up a coop for it
it won't live in the bathtub forever
i have new bathbombs, taako.

[spellslots]

Gods forbid you can't use your bathbombs!

Wait, shit, I have a spell that miiiiight let me communicate with the chicken. I could tell it where to shit?

[inlaid]

can you really?
how does it work?
can i talk to the chicken too???

[spellslots]

[Please hold while he looks this spell up because he hasn't used it like, ever.]

Yup! If I cast it, the chicken can understand us and you'll understand it!

[inlaid]

do you think the chicken will be able to tell me where the rubber chickens came from then?

[spellslots]

Only if it got there before the rubber chickens did, pumpkin.

[inlaid]

well that's a maybe at least.
i'm eating the chocolate brownie ice cream by the way
if you ever want to see your pralines and cream again you'll bring chicken feed ransom to this location in ten minutes

[spellslots]

You need anything else while I'm doing your fucking groceries, princess?

[As if the chicken isn't his fault in the first place.]

[inlaid]

yes i want a white horse and a tiara and thirty gowns made of silk and chiffon.

[As befits a princess.]

[spellslots]

I can manage the horse if a unicorn will satisfy your highness.

[inlaid]

I suppose. As long as I won't be gored for my lack of purity.

[spellslots]

If Garyl hasn't gored me yet then I'm sure you'll be fine.

[inlaid]

Oh, well then. Garyl sounds acceptable then.

Now get your ass over here, wizard. No time to waste. Your ice cream is in peril.