Taako (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
spellslots) wrote2017-12-07 07:14 pm
spellslots) wrote2017-12-07 07:14 pm
Entry tags:
riverview; ic contact & friendr
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no subject
So when Cisco scoots over, Taako just winds his arms around Cisco's shoulders and lets him hold on.]
You cared about him, that's not your fault. I'd bet you still miss him even knowing what he did, cause people don't work that way. It's never that easy.
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Cisco lets out a short, shuddery little sigh, nodding once and knowing Taako will be able to feel it. He doesn't say anything else, after that little impulsive confession. He just hugs Taako, eyes squeezed shut, unmoving, until the awful weight of sadness in his chest lightens, ever so slightly.
When he pulls away, Cisco looks marginally better. He manages a very small smile, just for a moment, and scoots back to where he'd been sitting before. It's... strange. Being the one being comforted. Cisco almost doesn't know what to do with it. He's so used to handling sadness and pain on his own. To locking himself up until he can put a good face on it. ]
You were right. That was quite some cuddle.
[ Then, conversationally: ] I've been building a cage. [ Cisco seems to realize that maybe the logic behind that statement isn't immediately clear, and elaborates. ] A cell that can hold a speedster. In case he ever does turn up. 'Cause... I worry about it, a lot.
[ Cisco takes a not small drink of the wine in his cup. It's stupid, maybe. Planning for something that is so statistically unlikely. But since he doesn't know how to not run all the worst case scenarios through his head, the best way to make himself feel better is to plan for the unlikely. ]
It was weird. Not... worrying, for a while.
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The fact Cisco is building a cage really doesn't come as a surprise, it's the sort of thing he'd do, if he was worried about Eobard turning up, even if things would likely be different here, without the whole Barry mess. Eobard is still an asshole and he remembers what Cisco said, about making magic hurt.]
Not being a paranoid fuck kinda makes things different.
[There's nothing mean in the words, it's just Taako being Taako, and it's coming from someone who also has a fuckload of trust issues, so he gets it, really.]
We can talk strategy in a sec if you wanna, but first you gotta tell me where your hairbrush is.
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[ Of course, there's another side to that, as well. He hadn't realized just how blithe and trusting he had been, before he started to suspect Eobard. It had been nice to have a respite, but Cisco's not sure he would choose to go back, permanently. That would just be setting himself up for someone else hurting him.
The hairbrush is an unexpected request, but Cisco gestures to his desk, near to the computer monitor, where a small wooden hairbrush is sitting next to some hello kitty post-its and a sketchbook sitting open, covered in little technical doodles and scattered bullet points with vague ideas for engineering projects. ]
What do you mean, strategy?
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[It's not quite the same thing, but Taako kind of agrees with that unspoken line of thought; being too open just results in trouble.
Taako hops up quickly to go retrieve the brush, returning with it quickly and sitting back on the couch, but this time he's sitting cross legged as well, just sideways.]
Turn around.
[He does a little gesture to go with the request, and then adds:]
Why can't you put a speedster in a normal cell?
[Genuine question.]
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And it gives him an excuse to face away from Taako, as he asks his questions, and they... strategize. Even with Cisco facing away, the tension that comes into his shoulders is eloquent. He really has been holding too much back from Taako. It's not fair to him, not safe for him. ]
Because they would get out in about five seconds. There about three dozen different ways you can use lightning, or friction, or vibrations to destroy a door or a lock. Besides, even without any of that, they can phase through things. Metal, concrete, doesn't matter. Just start vibrating at the right frequency and then step right through it, to the other side
[ A lot of the time, when Cisco talks about the things speedsters can do, he sounds fond and even boastful, because he's thinking of Barry. But right now, he's only thinking about Eobard, and he sounds nervous, not proud. ]
There's probably the same kinds of trouble when it comes to locking up wizards, huh? You must have a spell that lets you walk through walls or whatever, or you could just teleport out.
[ No doubt there are magical countermeasures to prevent that, just as Cisco had tried to find scientific countermeasures to prevent speedsters from crossing from place to place. ]
I tried to make a speedster-proof force-field, to trap the Reverse Flash, but... Dr. Wells tampered with it, obviously.
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But this is easy enough he can listen and think while working, and that's exactly what he does. He learned a little about speedsters from Leonard, and a little more from Cisco, but superpowers aren't something he's particularly interested in as a concept, outside of people like Cisco or Clark, who are his friends.]
You gotta use magic to trap magic.
[There are a variety of spells and counterspells, so many of them end up simply relying on who happens to be the most powerful wizard.
And right now, Taako's pretty fucking powerful.]
Are you sure you just wanna put him in a cell? Cause I mean, I got no qualms killing this fucker.
[It seems silly, to just trap him.]
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Qualms about killing him aren't the issue.
[ He'd already watched Eobard disintegrating into thin air, begging him for help, and all he'd felt was cold, shocked relief. He has a feeling that, if Taako were to kill him again, he might actually muster up some happiness for it, this time. And probably cry his eyes out for a day, afterwards. But even so... ]
It's more... logistics. I just. Don't want him to kill you.
[ Cisco believes in Taako. He believes he is a powerful wizard, and that when he goes back to his world, he and his friends are going to kick the Hunger's apocalyptic horrifying ass. But when it comes to Eobard, he loses the ability to gauge objectively. He honestly doesn't know what would happen, if the two of them fought. Taako certainly has the ability to cause a lot more damage - but more doesn't guarantee a victory. Dead from 10,000 blows and dead from 1 quick, just-strong-enough blow are still both the same amount dead. ]
Or me. [ It seems stupid, after everything, not to at least be honest. He thinks the cat is pretty well out of the damn bag, when it comes to him being afraid of Eobard. That ship has sailed. Cisco stares down at his crossed legs, gnaws at his lower lip for a moment before adding: ] Again.
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Until coming here, there'd been no one in Taako's life that had really made him afraid. Circumstances had, and there had definitely been things that left him unsettled or worried, like Edward and Lydia and their time in Wonderland. Like the panic he'd felt when Lup told him about her plan to become a lich. But nothing really frightened him, the way Eobard clearly frighten's Cisco, and... it still doesn't. Dodger had made him afraid, and some of that still sits unhappily somewhere in the back of Taako's thoughts, but he knows that if shit goes down again, he can and will kill Dodger.
So it's... hard, to truly understand where Cisco is coming from, but he wants to try.]
How did it happen?
[It isn't like Eddie's death, and Taako knows that resurrection isn't normal in their world. It's not curiosity that drives him to ask, it's an attepmt to understand.]
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I was an idiot.
[ He's quiet for a moment after that, closing his eyes and enjoying the feeling of the brush moving through his hair. It's still a bit of a challenge, putting it all together into a neat narrative. But he has to try. ]
I knew that trap I'd build for the Reverse Flash should have worked. Scientifically, it should have. And suspicions were starting to pile up against Wells. Eddie... Iris's dad, Joe... this reporter named Mason... a lot of people smarter than me noticing a pattern where people were "disappearing" and Dr. Wells was the last one to see them.
[ In retrospect, so painfully obvious, but at the time, so impossible to believe. He'd been blinded by his love for the man. Cisco's hands fidget in his lap and he stares down at them, his back tense, the words coming a little jerkier. ]
I didn't want to believe them. But I had Caitlin lure him out of the lab anyway. I didn't know he had surveillance cameras everywhere. He knew exactly what was going on. I went down to the basement, alone, to see what went wrong with the forcefield. He... showed up.
[ That part, Taako had glimpsed, in that first vibe during their experiment. The moment when those elevator doors opened and he saw Dr. Wells standing up and knew he was going to die. He doesn't know if Taako had been able to feel it - the fear so dense in the air he could hardly breathe. He doesn't even know how to ask. But he does know that Taako has died before, and remembered it. If anyone might understand...
Cisco lifts a hand to rub absently at his chest, over his heart, not realizing he is doing it. ]
I tried to talk my way out of it, but he didn't buy it. He... said a bunch of shit about how it was a shame he had to kill me, because I was like a son to him, and then he shoved his hand in my chest and ripped my heart to shreds.
[ Cisco looks down, noticing what he is doing and deliberately drops both hands into his lap, lacing his fingers together. He doesn't know what Taako's 'how' had meant - the method of the murder, or why he's still alive. Hastily, he adds. ]
Barry reset the timeline by a day. He didn't know what happened to me, it was just... a coincidence. An accident. The second time stuff happened in a different way, I never went down in the basement, never got my ass murdered. But that's when I started having my vibes. Just kept... reliving it over and over. I thought I was going crazy, but. I wasn't.
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He does wonder if this is the first time Cisco's told anyone about what happened with Eobard, but that's not really an important part of it, right now.
So he just listens, brushing Cisco's hair, waiting for him to get the full story out before saying anything. At some point, midway through, he sections off a part of Cisco's hair and starts on the first braid, careful not to pull too hard.]
That's fucked up.
[His voice is soft, sympathetic, and he lays a hand on Cisco's back for a moment, just offering some small comfort. I'm sorry would've felt too stupid in the face of all of that, but he wanted to say something to at least acknowledge that it's a messed up thing that Cisco had to go through. Not just Eobard's betrayal, but being forced to relive it more than once is fucking awful, and that's coming from someone who's done the same thing.]
So, not letting him get close is step two. Assuming step one is making sure he doesn't suspect shit until I'm ready to go.
[He doesn't know how to be like... emotionally supportive, but he can talk to Cisco about what to do if Eobard shows up, and maybe that will help.]
You think he'd buy it if you played like you were from before all that shit?
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Yeah.
[ He's grateful that Taako doesn't ask for more details, or worse, clarifications. Cisco had gotten over the immense hurdle (at least that's how it feels) of telling the whole story, as best he could, and he doesn't think that he could bear being questioned right now. Instead, Taako gives him something to focus on - concrete thoughts on what they'll do in case he shows his ugly face here, and it's precisely what Cisco needs.
He clears his throat, shoulders relaxing a little. Cisco keeps his head as still as he can while Taako is braiding, and says: ]
Step one should be easier here than back in Central City. We've got home turf advantage. He was always one step ahead of us, and we could never figure out how, but it was 'cause he'd put recording equipment all around the lab and... you know, in our apartments and places we hung out and stuff, so any time we discussed a plan, he knew about it.
[ Cisco can't help a quick, darting glance up to the overhead lights of his cozy little attic room. As soon as he'd gone back to being his usual paranoid fucker self, he'd checked there, and everywhere else he could think of, for bugs, cameras, etcetera. Better safe than sorry. ]
He... [ Cisco has to stop a moment, a little wave of nausea slowing him down, but he swallows it back and forges on, determined. ] I think he liked killing people close up. But distance isn't going to do you a lot of good with a speedster. Once he sees you, even if you are a mile away, if he wants to be close, he'll be close faster than you can do a spell, or blink, or react at all.
[ Taako's question about whether Cisco could trick Eobard into thinking he knows nothing is not entirely unexpected. He'd wondered the same thing, himself, when he'd played out various scenarios in his head. ]
I don't know. I could always try, but I'm not exactly the world's best actor, and... he knows me. Knew me, I mean. But maybe I could convince him.
[ Cisco tries to keep some hope in that statement, but considering how even thinking about Eobard can sometimes make him start shaking with fear... he's not optimistic. Looking back, it must have been pathetically obvious, during that interval between his death and when Eobard revealed himself as the Reverse Flash. Even without cameras sending him a live feed of Cisco's nonstop nightmares, Eobard must have seen the fear and confusion that Cisco was fighting so hard to hide so poorly. ]
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Okay, we'll put the 'you pretend not to know he's an evil motherfucker' on the back burner for now.
[It's not that he wants to doubt Cisco, it's just that if he can't say with confidence that he can handle it, Taako doesn't think it's worth the risk. There are other options that don't involve making Cisco face someone he's terrified of.]
We can also rule out any spell that needs to actually hit it's target, no fireballs or whatever, but I've got a few that just work. [Things he can cast so long as Eobard is in range, although some of them might require a saving throw, on Eobard's part but that's a bridge they can cross when they get to it.] I mean, magic jar might work. Take over his body and kill it that way.
[What he doesn't say is that if magic jar works, there's a very real chance he could also die, but again, that's a problem for the future.]
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[ He may be from the future, where technology is much more advanced, but the rules of magic are different. Eobard won't understand them, won't know what to expect. ]
Magic jar?
[ When Taako first says that name, Cisco is imagining something fairly whimsical - an actual, magical mason jar of some sort, forming all around Eobard in his Reverse Flash getup. Maybe slowly filling from the bottom with jam, like something out of an action movie where the heroes are trapped in a small space that is flooding, but much sillier.
Except then Taako is talking about taking over his body, and killing it, and Cisco feels a sudden rush of disgust at himself, imagining stupid nonsense about jam when they're brainstorming the best way to murder someone - even someone as evil as Eobard. His tiny smile, from when he'd imagined that big glass jar, slips away. It is possible he has a few qualms, after all. Not enough to stop him, should that day ever come. Just enough to make him feel a little bit sick, right now, thinking about it. Or maybe it's the wine.
(Which isn't, of course, going to prevent him for reaching for his cup and taking a nice big drink before he asks): ]
Hey, Taako, can we, uh... save the rest of the strategizing for another day, maybe? I know it's important, I know, I'm just uh. Not... firing on all the cylinders, y'know?
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For sure, bubbale. I thought it might like, help, but if you're not up to it we can talk about whatever. Or I can just shut up and keep doing your hair and we don't gotta talk about nothing.
[Maybe just Taako sticking around will be enough to make Cisco feel a bit better, since that's the real goal here.
Honestly, he doesn't need to strategize against Eobard. There are plenty of ways to kill someone, regardless of how fast they are.]
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[ That had been the one thing that had helped, in the hard months after Eobard's death, and Eddie's, when Barry and Caitlin had gone off to lick their wounds alone and had left Cisco to deal with his trauma on his own. As far as closure went, seeing a guy dissolve into the air was pretty conclusive.
But it wasn't, because there were still the nightmares, and the visions, and now he's here with the knowledge that anyone could show up from any point in the timeline, including Eobard. That hadn't bothered him too much, before now.
Cisco has been trying not to move his head, so Taako can work on the braids more easily, but he does tilt it back enough that he can swallow down the rest of the wine in his cup. Sure, getting completely drunk isn't the ideal way of coping with things, but right now Cisco isn't even bothering to aim for ideal. He'll settle for temporarily effective. Even if it does make him run his mouth maybe a little more than he ought to. ]
I should've told you all of that ages ago. About him murdering me. I just... [ Cisco's voice cracks, and he clears his throat, waiting a moment until he can speak in some semblance of calm before he continues: ] ....it's stupid. I mean you've died, like, a dozen times or whatever, and you're not falling to pieces, and I died once and it was an erased timeline so it doesn't even fucking count probably and I'm a- a basket case.
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I didn't cook for five years, my dude.
[No one killed him, and at the time he didn't even know it was a betrayal, but... he thought he'd fucked up and it haunted him for five years. He was still trying to figure out what went wrong, still couldn't control his magic, so he can hardly judge Cisco for being "basket case" over dying.]
Cause it's not the dying, really. I can not give a shit about all the times I've died cause it was the Hunger or Magnus fucking cutting the wrong wire in a bomb or a stupid accident.
[It was never a betrayal. It was never someone he loved and trusted turning on him and literally tearing his heart out, so he doesn't think it's fair to compare his experience to Cisco's.]
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I'm sorry. Those must've been bad years.
[ An understatement if ever there was one.
And Cisco really considers it: particularly if Taako knew he had a very good chance of coming back at the start of the next loop, maybe dying itself wasn't the real problem. Sure, it probably wasn't pleasant, and maybe a few of the times had been really dreadful. But even so, it's clear that what had happened with Sazed had left a much deeper wound.
Certainly, he knows that in his own memories, turning around and seeing Dr. Wells standing in the elevator, not in his wheelchair, knowing they were both alone and that Dr. Wells would only let Cisco see that if he intended to not leave him as a witness - that moment had been worse, even, than the pain of his heart being shredded to pieces. ]
I'm glad you're cooking again. And... I kinda wish I could kick that guy into a pit of snakes for doing that to you and all those people.
[ Cisco has no doubt that in the event Sazed actually came through the portal somehow, Taako would be more than capable of dealing with him, in a way Cisco himself would not be with Eobard. But then, Sazed had clearly been a coward, using poison, striking at Taako in such an underhanded way. ]
I hope- I hope I get better eventually, too.
[ It seems impossible, from where he is now. Like things will keep on being this bad indefinitely, and he'll always be stuck checking rooms for cameras and doubting and second-guessing people (particularly charming ones, that wanted to befriend him). Even with Eobard gone, it feels like he is managing to control Cisco's life - the screaming nightmare that had made him leave the communal housing, the dream-vibe experiment that had gone wrong. Hell, he still can only barely tolerate anyone putting their hand anywhere near his heart.
But maybe he has been too impatient with himself. Maybe he hasn't had enough time, even though it feels like it's been forever. ]
Did Magnus really try to defuse a bomb?
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So he shrugs, assuming Cisco will either hear the rustle of fabric or feel the movement from where Taako's hands are in his hair, but he doesn't want to address it.]
I'm sure you will, you've got this far.
[It's easier to offer sympathy than to accept it, sometimes. And Taako believes what he's saying, too. The fact that Cisco is still kind despite a betrayal of that level speaks volumes about his character. It's more than Taako could ever manage.]
And yeah he did. Three fucking times we blew up before we figured out to grab the keycards and save us the trouble of cutting wires and shit.
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Yeah. I guess I have.
[ Everything that had happened this week had felt like backsliding, like some of that hard-won progress had been taken from him. But maybe it doesn't have to be that way. Maybe the silver lining will be moving a tiny bit closer to outright accepting he's different, permanently, and no longer wishing he could go back to the way he was before it had all happened. ]
Three times?!
[ It would almost be funny, if it were something in a video game, but since it involves his friend getting repeatedly blown up... a lot of that humor is somehow missing. But it does remind Cisco of something he had been meaning to ask, before he'd gotten distracted by losing parts of his memory and then horribly regaining them. ]
How are things? Like... with Magnus, here?
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[He doesn't bother explaining that this was in Refuge, when they were stuck in their cycle of death and destruction, mostly because he figures that's something Cisco can work out from context clues. Most of their deaths during their time on the Starblaster was due to either something killing them or a stupid accident, not a puzzle dungeon.]
It's, uh, better? I guess. He doesn't think I'm crazy, so that's a plus, for sure. [His hands still for a moment, as he struggles with what to say next, because he's not-- because this is hard.] It's stupid cause he's like, right fucking there. But I miss him.
[He misses the Magnus who knows him, who he spent a century with, through the good and the bad.]
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[ There's just a touch of dry humor in that; Magnus must have been pretty sure that they would be brought back, if he would get all of them killed just to save a bit of time. He wonders what that must be like - even if Taako doesn't know what dying here might do to him, he must have a different relationship with death and the idea of dying, by necessary consequence of all that. ]
It's not stupid to miss him.
[ Cisco reaches back for Taako's knee, finds it and leaves his hand there for a moment, a nonverbal reassurance. ]
You're a lot stronger than I am. If Caitlin or Barry showed up and couldn't remember me, I think I'd cave and give them the stuff. Even though it would mean Caitlin remembering Ronnie dying, or Barry remembering... remembering all the shit with Dr. Wells.
[ There is some hesitation, before Cisco says the name, but he keeps it mostly together. Which is some progress, even if it's only temporary. ]
He did a number on me, and Eddie too, but Barry had it the worst.
[ Cisco could explain further, maybe even should, but he doesn't feel like detailing any more awfulness right now. Taako gets the general idea. ]
Anyway, that's not- my point is... you got a lotta self-restraint.
[ More quietly, clearly not just talking about Magnus anymore, Cisco says: ]
You're a good friend.
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But he doesn't think he's really got all that much self-restraint. Every time he looks at Magnus he thinks about just... giving him the ichor, either tricking him into it or lying or just cutting out the fucking middle man and doing what Barry did, with Davenport. It wouldn't be hard to compel Magnus to drink it.]
It's gotta be his choice, you know? As much as it can be.
[It's going to be hard to get the explanation across, but Taako wants to try. They're just... working up to it.
Maybe that makes him a good friend, maybe it doesn't. But he gets that Cisco isn't just talking about the situation with Magnus.]
I uh, I wasn't always. It's a work in progress.
[He's glad that he was given the ichor so early into his stay here. By the time people got to know him, he'd remembered Lup. He'd remembered how to be kind.]
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[ Cisco thinks he has a somewhat new appreciation of that, after the week he's had. The happiness he'd felt not remembering about Eobard had been a lie, but wow had he been happy. And even now, with Taako here to keep him from unraveling completely, he is not happy. Getting back to happy is going to take some doing.
So he can see how, if the process were similar for Magnus, and he knew who was responsible for flipping the switch, and he hadn't had any input, there might be some resentment there. ]
Always doesn't matter. Now is what matters. And... tomorrow and the day after.
[ Cisco huffs out a short laugh at the way that had sounded, as if he is implying Taako should come back and do this again and again, like his own personal braid servant. ]
I'm not saying you gotta look after me all week. I just meant that being a good friend, or a good person, is something you gotta choose every day. Just because you started choosing it more recently than somebody else doesn't make you worse than them.
[ Cisco knows that in general Taako's self-image is pretty damn healthy and confident, but he has drunk a lot of red wine and he's also in a headspace to appreciate loyalty, acutely. So rather than just leaving it there, he draws in a slow breath and adds: ]
You, and Eddie... you've both been here for me, any time I needed you. I'm not used to... It's just... I've never had that, before. From friends or, y'know. Anybody.
[ It's not the easiest to say, because in a way it's an accusation of his friends in Central City, for not having Cisco's back at the times when he needed them most. Cisco hadn't even realized it at the time. He'd been so pathetically grateful that he even had friends that he never would have criticized their behavior. Not even when at times it was maybe not the greatest. Caitlin, snapping at him that he was crazy for thinking Wells could do anything wrong, leaving him to investigate all on his own, then disbelieving him when he told them all about his nightmares. Barry, coaxing him into experimenting with the goggles even when he was terrified and uncertain, talking him into re-enacting the lead-up to his murder as a trap even after Cisco said he thought he might have PTSD, and then caring more about getting a potential confession from Wells than about saving Cisco's life. The both of them, deserting him for months when they didn't feel like seeing him.
Having a point of comparison does wonders for putting things in perspective. And the sort of friend that Taako has been for Cisco has made it clearer that, as much as he loved them, Barry and Caitlin didn't have his back in the same way. Not even close. ]
Okay, okay. Done being a sap, I promise. Can I braid yours, when you're done?
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It's not that he minds, really, and it's not entirely out of left field for Cisco to say stuff like this, it's just that despite remembering Lup, there's still a part of him that wants to immediately shut down as soon as feelings happen, to avoid any kind of discomfort. Little bits of it are fine, or things that don't involve him quite so much, like letting Jon cry on him. But this is Cisco saying he's glad that Taako has been there for him and talking about choosing to be good and it's just a lot.
So when Cisco offers up that little bit of a joke, Taako happily latches onto it.]
Oh, thank god, I thought it was never gonna end.
[And he does make it sound like a joke, even if also gives Cisco's shoulder a brief squeeze, a silent I heard you. It's probably not enough, he feels guilty for not being able to find some kind of words to say in response, but it's all he's got right now.]
And I can be done whenever, I'm just kinda messing around back here.
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