spellslots | riverview; ic contact & friendr

[It starts with an early morning scroll this his instagram feed, there's an innocuous post about holograms that leaves Taako confused and troubled in a way he can't quite understand until he digs further, pulling up a few more posts, a few articles from local reporters. The people that recently arrived didn't come through the portal, they're holograms, created because some idiots fucked up again.

He feels sick. It's almost the same sinking feeling he got when the first person fell sick at Glamorsprings. The sudden, crushing knowledge that what comes next is a terrible thing. For a brief moment he's tempted not to say anything about it, but if he knows anything it's that Kravitz can see right through his bullshit and he doesn't have the strength to sell this particular lie.

He'd told Kravtiz to stay, to use the spare bedroom and it had seemed like a good decision at the time but now it's early morning and he's just woken up and there's no delaying this, not when he desperately needs to know if it's true or not. It doesn't occur to him to change from his pajamas or put his glamor on, all Taako can do is thrown open the door to the spare bedroom without even knocking to demand:]

How did you get here, Kravitz?

[ There are all kinds of ways that most people might start to become sneakingly suspicious of whether or not they're as real as they used to be. Light, after all, only needs the power source from which it originates - it doesn't need to eat or drink, to sleep, to breathe. Unfortunately, these are all just as much intrinsic to being undead. So a man who hasn't been alive in a good thousand years? Well, he might be forgiven for not noticing them.

Kravitz is, of course, awake when Taako abruptly slams open the door. He startles visibly, looking up from where he's reading something he found somewhere, and had until this moment been fairly tranquil, all told. It's something of a scene to be presented with out of nowhere: Taako in sleepwear, unglamored, demanding to know something Kravitz honestly thought he already knew. ]

The - the same way you did, I imagine? Why..?

[If he could feel anything other than fear, something like guilt might creep in here with the relaization that he's likely scaring Kravtiz, too, but he can't-- he can't think beyond the need to know.]

Tell me how you got here.

[His voice is clipped, something that could almost be mistaken for anger if the edge of panic wasn't so clear.]

[ Okay - with Taako panicking, Kravitz's immediate reflex is to remain as calm as possible. They can't both freak out. He doesn't even know what he's freaking out for. ]

I...

[ The steady look on his face changes, suddenly, as he tries to explain what seems obvious in his mind - and finds that he can't. With nothing to fill the gap between being at the wedding and being out on the street here, his mind has apparently just... smoothed it over. ]

... I'm not sure. I was there, and then I was here. On the street somewhere. The first thing I did was try to reach the astral plane, and when I couldn't, I walked around for a while and... then you found me.

[ That's all the answer he has to give, for all it definitely doesn't feel like a satisfactory one. ]

Love - Taako - what's going on? Did something happen?

[It should be a moment where something dramatic happens, his knees should go weak or he should start crying or something, instead of just shutting down the way he knows he's doing. The panic drains away to leave a coldness in its wake.

Everyone I ever met was dust.

Kravitz is too.]

You're not real, I know-- I know you think you are, but that's not how people turn up here, they gotta come right through the portal.

[He steps forward, holds out his phone in offering, one of the articles open on the screen. Taako doesn't have it in him to explain.]

[ You're not real.

It's so absurd an idea that the words on first pass don't sink in at all. How can he not be real? What part of him is missing? He has his thoughts, his memories, all the physical manifestation he's had for this long...

These holograms appear to be loved ones, the article says, and while some know they are mere images, most of them appear unaware.

It talks about how accurate they are. How the only way to know, thus far, is to ask them what their first memory of Riverview is. If they remember coming through the portal.

Kravitz has known a lot of portals, a lot of different ways to get between planes, between dimensions. He'd simply assumed that this didn't happen to be a visible rift in a tangible place. Apparently it is. And apparently that means that... that he's just... light, in the shape of himself, with an artificial imprint of the memories and emotions of which the 'real' version, who never left home, holds the originals.

Silent, he hands back the phone. What point is there in reading further? ]

I... I don't understand. How can...

[Taako slides the phone back into his pocket almost on autopilot, caught for another long moment before something snaps.]

Fuck this place.

[The anger in the words is bone deep. He could handle people walking into his memories, or being turned young again, or having to share emotions with people. Any of the bullshit this place has pulled until this point is something he could deal with regardless of how painful or frustrating it was.

This is too much. This is too cruel.]

I'm sorry, Kravitz, I'm- fuck, I'm so sorry.

[Maybe he should walk away, cut this off now that he knows it's essentially pointless, that this version of Kravitz will disappear soon. But he can't bring himself to do it, not when this all feels so real.]

[ This should... change something, maybe. He should feel less solid, less extant. There should be something that becomes clearer and makes it easier to accept - but there isn't. Numbly, stupidly, Kravitz puts the book he's been reading to one side and just... stares at his hand. Front, back, turning it over to examine. It's the same, it's all the same.

Except... ]

Do they know how long it lasts?

[ His instinct is to get up and go to Taako, to somehow make this better. But he knows, now, that just his being here is only making everything worse. Because he meant every word of the promises he made, and he's not going to be able to keep a single one. For the first time in a thousand years, he thinks of the time he has, and knows it to be limited. ]

I'm not... familiar, with how these things work.

[Taako is, inherently, a selfish person. He knows this about himself, it isn't much of an issue in his opinion, but right now for all that he's thinking about how this hurts him, the strongest feeling is his heart aching for Kravitz.

He can't imagine what it would be like, to be told he isn't real.

So he pushes down the anger at this situation and the hurt and makes his way to the bed, perching on the side as he reaches for Kravitz's hand.]

Some of-- some of them are already gone, there's no way to tell. I dunno how long we've got.

[That's worse in a way, than having a definite limit. Kravitz could disappear at any second.]

[ Kravitz nods his acceptance, because there really isn't anything he can do but accept it. For a long moment, he's quiet again. Just holds on to Taako's hand, grateful for the anchor and the warmth of him - because this is terrifying, if he's honest, and there's guilt there because only one of them will have to carry the weight of this going forward but there's nobody he'd rather have these moments with. ]

I'm... I'm so sorry.

[ Because that's right. Only one of them will have to carry this. This version of Kravitz may die, but the original is still out there, none the wiser. If only he could tell him somehow, about this place, but he's not even connected with the real manifestation of himself. He's just light, and air, and nothing, and there's very little worse he can think of that he could possibly have inflicted on the person who means more to him than any other. ]

I wish they hadn't - that I hadn't done this to you.

[Taako wants to reassure Kravitz immediately, that it's okay, that he's okay, but instead he takes a moment to really think about it, not wanting whatever he says to be hollow.]

I'm-- fuck, bubbale, I'm gonna kill whoever's responsible, but at least we got this, yeah? I'm glad I got this.

[It hurts and it's confusing but he can't say he regrets the chance to speak with Kravitz before he returns to Fearun and everything falls back to the way it's supposed to be. This version of himself had a chance to talk to Kravtiz. That matters.]

[ Kravitz hums, and nods again, and chooses to believe that. ]

If... if I'm as 'accurate' as they say, then... I suppose at least we can trust that the way I feel isn't too dissimilar from the way the - ah - the 'real' me would.

[ He looks at their joined hands, and there's a lightness to his gaze that says that he's still waiting for this blow to really connect. And maybe it never will. Maybe he doesn't have long enough. Perhaps that would be a kindness, all told.

After a moment, he looks up, and there's something of a pleading look in those dark, red eyes. ]

Obviously time isn't on our side, so I'm just going to say this, and I hope you won't be upset with me for it. Because the thing is... I don't know how, but I know that somehow, I'll find you again. The real me will. I meant what I said about being there as long as it's within my power to be, whether I'm wanted or not, and it might take some time but...

[ He looks away, seeming vaguely annoyed with himself, or perhaps just frustrated. ]

I know that anything I say now is... it's effectively meaningless, but...

[That particular thought hadn't quite occurred to him, but it does now, the notion that this is almost a trial run in case the real Kravitz does show up. If it does happen, he doesn't need to be so goddamn anxious about how Kravitz will react to.... everything, not when he knows it'll be alright, that he'll understand.

It's a relief.]

Nothing you say is meaningless but you don't-- you don't gotta promise me anything. If this is it, that kinda sucks, I'll admit that. But uh, I'll see you again one way or another.

[Taako leans in for just a brief kiss, before pulling back to look at Kravitz again, the ghost of a smile on his lips.]

Is this where I should start making some crazy confessions to see how you'll take 'em?

[ The levity is definitely appreciated. Of course if anybody could make finding out that you're a very temporary construct of an existing person easier, it would be Taako. For the first time since this insane revelation, the numbness retreats enough to allow a small smile through. ]

It can't hurt, if you've got something you want to get off your chest. Allow me to be your sounding board.

[This is serious and terrible and scary but at the end of the day there's nothing they can do to change it. Kravitz will disappear, Taako will be alone. It feels horrible but he doesn't want to spend the time they have together being miserable.

Which is why he very somberly takes Kravtiz's face in his hands, and says in the most genuine tone he can muster (despite the little grin he's failing to hide):]

Will you call me daddy when we fuck?

[He's kidding. It's an in-joke that Kravitz isn't actually in on, but it's still funny even without that context.]

[ Thank all the gods for that little grin, because otherwise it's just as likely that Kravitz would have assumed that was a legitimate question. It's difficult to know with Taako sometimes!

Instead, he laughs shortly, and lifts his eyebrows with a grin of his own. Putting on his best (worst) Cockney accent from work - why does he even still do that - he answers easily: ]

I thought you'd never ask.

Oh, nice, you definitely have to use the accent.

[If he's being honest, the accent is kind of endearing in a silly sort of way, though he definitely doesn't want it coming up in the bedroom, jokes aside.]

You could sell yourself out, you know, tell me all your dirty secrets.

[That's cheating.]

Yes, I'm sure you'd like that, wouldn't you?

[ The accent dropped (for now), he quirks an eyebrow. ]

I'm a gambling man, love. I keep my cards close to my chest.

[ He doesn't, at all, but the thought is there at least. And he really does know that he should stop calling Taako love, but it's become such second nature over the past year that he doesn't even notice anymore. ]

[It's not that he hasn't noticed that particular term of endearment, he's just not sure he wants to correct it.]

If you wanna make it even I'll tell you a secret in return?

[As if Kravitz is stupid enough to fall for that.]

[ Under normal circumstances, he might have. Kravitz is trusting enough, at least of Taako, to believe that he would play fair. But, well - obviously things are a little different now. They don't know what sentence he might blink out of existence halfway through, for all they're making this effort to ignore that fact. ]

Or you could go first.

[ A small 'go on' gesture with his free hand, if only to illustrate yes, I see how stupid I would have to be to agree to this. ]

[This type of thing is his worst nightmare most of the time, but there are no consequences to anything he says now. This fragment of Kravtiz will disappear, taking all of Taako's secrets with it.

And despite starting this as a joke, he might as well get a few things off his chest. Taako drops his hands back to Kravtiz's, tangling their fingers loosely together, keeping his gaze there as he speaks.]

I don't think I've ever loved someone. Like - romantically.

[That's why this is scary.]

[ ... Well, he wasn't expecting him to actually do it.

Kravitz takes a moment to answer, curling his fingers lightly around Taako's. He doesn't quite have the same freedom of consequence, here. Perhaps it's never going to catch him, ephemeral as he is - but he believes wholeheartedly that the real him is going to find this place eventually. Against all logic or otherwise. He just knows it, in his heart, and that's what faith is. ]

Not yet.

[ Far from telling Taako his own business, it's simply a softly spoken addition. The rest - you're capable of it, I know you are - goes necessarily unsaid. Even if the melody has been changed enough to where they two are no longer a harmony that fits, there will be someone.

Faith, again. ]

[What he doesn't say is I could've loved Rin; it's the truth but it's not a truth that Kravtiz needs, regardless of whether it'll hurt him for a few hours or a few days. That's a secret for Lup or Lucretia or Cisco, someone who has no stakes in this.]

I'm kinda getting that impression. [It's what he said to Loki, that this feels like something big and important. Like the one, as inane as that is.] Has he told you? The... other Taako, I guess.

[He still can't quite think of it as himself.]

[ Kravitz looks away with a pang of guilt - it feels so unfair to do this. He doesn't mind, maybe, being honest about the fact that he loves Taako. That much hasn't changed, and he doesn't think it ever will. But what he doesn't want to do is dwell on the fact that the Taako he knows loves him in return. It feels like such a cruel thing to talk about. It's hardly any fault of this version of him that he hasn't had that time, that other events have shouldered their way in and made him different. Not lesser, just different. It's no failing on Taako's part, but it still somehow feels as if mentioning it is somehow intrinsically a criticism.

He doesn't say the words. Just nods. It feels easier. ]

We were going to go on vacation after the wedding. Not - not our wedding, I mean - we weren't...

[ He clears his throat awkwardly. Definitely not a thing he has any physical need to do. Another of those little affectations of mortality. ]

I actually managed to talk you into coming to see the rest of the astral plane with me. You wanted beachy, of course, but I'm not exactly the most fond of... large bodies of water, so...

[Taako gives Kravtiz's hand a reassuring little squeeze, a silent it's alright, trying to let him know there's no reason to feel guilty about any of this. It's difficult, there's no denying that, but it's so much easier to make some kind of peace with this when there's no permanence.

Dying stopped being so terrifying once they knew it wouldn't stick.]

The astral plane? For real?

[That's fucking wild. It doesn't exactly sound like a fun vacation spot, especially not when Taako has put a handful of people there.]

We couldn't compromise on like, a spa vacation? Or-- [Wait. Taako pauses and squints at Kravtiz, as if he's trying to figure out a puzzle.] Is it an excuse to introduce him to the Raven Queen?

💀 kravitz

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